Finding the perfect opening line that always works is a dream, but rarely a reality. Wooing someone through writing is a challenging art! Here are some tips and examples for your first message on a dating site!
Be Attentive and Show Interest
Read the Profile Carefully
Before sending your first message, take the time to thoroughly read the person’s profile to spot interesting details. This allows you to personalize your approach and show genuine interest in their profile.
Mention their hobbies, favorite music or movies, travel experiences—anything in their profile that caught your eye. This will encourage them to respond as they’ll see you’re not just copying and pasting but actually took the time to learn about them.
Ask an Open-Ended Question
The best way to start a conversation is by asking an open-ended question that requires more than a simple yes or no answer.
For example, if they mention a trip to Bali, you could ask, « What was your best memory from your trip to Bali? » Or if they list their favorite music, ask, « What kind of music do you prefer for a night out with friends? »
The goal is to engage in a discussion around a shared interest and allow your match to talk about themselves. Avoid closed questions like “How are you?” as they often lead nowhere.
Be Positive and Appreciative
Avoid criticisms or judgments in your first message, which could put the other person off. Instead, adopt a positive and appreciative tone. For example, rather than saying, « You don’t look very smiley in your photos, » say, « You have a beautiful smile. »
Highlight their qualities and strengths mentioned in their profile. This helps create a positive connection right from the start. And who knows, it might encourage them to smile more in future photos!
Be Original and Spark Curiosity
Stand Out from the Crowd
To stand out from the flood of messages your match receives, dare to be different. Spare them the overused lines like “Hi, how are you?” or “You’re really beautiful,” which scream boredom and copy-paste.
Be creative! Share a funny anecdote related to their profile, use humor or self-deprecation, reference a common cultural interest. The key is to break away from the norm and pique their curiosity. Your originality will earn you points.
Play the Mystery Card
Another effective technique to pique your match’s curiosity is to cultivate a sense of mystery. Ask them an intriguing question, make a bold guess about their personality, or promise to guess their dream destination.
The idea is to make them want to know more about you by being deliberately enigmatic. However, be careful not to come off as a cliché “bad boy” or it might backfire. Stay mysterious with finesse.
Dare to Compliment Unconventionally
To stand out, try an original or quirky compliment. Instead of the usual “You’re gorgeous,” say something like “Your infectious laughter in that photo won me over” or “I love the positive energy you exude.”
Flatter their personality, charisma, or style rather than focusing on physical appearance. It’s more flattering and less likely to be seen as superficial. Show sensitivity and attention to detail to score points.
Be Respectful but Bold
Don’t Be Too Forward
While it’s clear you’re looking for a romantic relationship or a fling, avoid being too direct in your first message, lest you come off as a crude person only interested in sex.
Even if there’s chemistry, take it slow with innuendos. Show interest in the person as a whole before thinking about sealing the deal. Your respect and tact will naturally make a good impression.
Don’t Be Afraid to Show Interest
That said, don’t be afraid to politely express your interest if you feel a connection. For example, you can write, “Your profile intrigues me, and I’d love to learn more about you,” or “I’m looking forward to getting to know you better.”
Your compliments will be better received if they come across as sincere. Avoid over-the-top romantic declarations like “I fell in love with you at first sight.” That might come off as comical.
Add a Touch of Playful Humor
If you feel comfortable, you can add a bit of playful humor, like “I’m dying to know the end of that juicy story about your road trip in Brazil,” or “That red dress in your photo is definitely eye-catching!”
Be careful to balance this so you don’t come across as vulgar or overly focused on physical attraction. Playful humor should be subtle and always respectful. If done right, it can significantly increase your chances of success!
Be Yourself
Show Your True Self
Of course, making a good impression is tempting. But don’t fall into the trap of pretending to be someone else to impress. Be natural and show your true personality, with your qualities and little flaws.
For example, if a philosophical quote doesn’t suit you, don’t plagiarize it just to appear intellectual. If dark humor isn’t your thing, don’t force macabre jokes. Stay authentic! That’s what will make the difference.
Embrace Your Little Imperfections
Don’t be afraid to reveal your imperfections, as long as they’re minor and you joke about them. For example, humorously mention that you’re “a terrible dancer but eager to learn” or “still struggle to tie a tie.”
Your well-handled flaws will make you more human and relatable. As long as your charming personality remains the focus!
Let Your Emotions Show
Finally, don’t hesitate to show a bit of your emotions, both positive and negative, always in moderation. For example, admit that “the beautiful sunset in your photo moved me” or “your smile instantly lifted my spirits.”
Sincere emotions create a connection, whereas a cold and artificial message makes you seem robotic!
Mix Up Your Approaches
Vary Your First Messages
It’s tempting to have a magic phrase that works every time. But every profile is different, and each person will react differently. There’s no one-size-fits-all message.
The key is to vary your approaches by mixing ingredients: humor, seriousness, mystery, emotion. Test different types of messages and see what works best for you. You’ll eventually find your winning formula!
Don’t Be Afraid to Adjust
Don’t hesitate to correct your approach if it didn’t work. It’s better to acknowledge your mistake and apologize politely than to persist in error. For example, if your humor didn’t hit the mark, say, “I see my joke fell flat, and I apologize… Can we start over?”
Appreciate your match’s open-mindedness rather than trying to be right at all costs. They’ll likely appreciate your sincerity and willingness to improve. You might then steer the conversation towards something more constructive.
Be Persistent but Respectful
Don’t give up after one failed message! Persist with respectful tenacity, without harassing the person.
Your polite persistence might eventually pay off… or not. But at least you’ll have made every effort to woo your match!
